Try not to ever limit your child because of what you think might be best for them. My son is 11 years old and has autism. He has played basketball on a team at The Boys and Girls Club for the past three years. The first two years he did pretty well and the league was not strongly competitive or demanding. This year he moved up a division. He was no longer the tallest on his team. In fact, he was the shortest and the lightest not only on his team, but in comparison to most in his division. Before the season even started, I caught wind that the coach of the team my son was to be on was very intense, highly competitive, and very vocal in pushing the importance of winning. I immediately turned to my husband and said that I thought we should switch teams. Our son, Jake wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure, the physical demands, and the “yelling” of the coach. We decided to at least have Jake attend the first practice and see how things went.

I spoke with the coach to let him know that Jake had some “processing delays” (my husband and I don’t like to throw the autism card right away if we can help it), and that he didn’t seem to be up to speed with the abilities of the rest of the team. (The players all knew each other and were extremely good players for 10 to 11 years old. In this conversation, I noticed that the coach was truly listening to me, sincerely said “no problem” and for some reason, I had a good feeling about him. Jake not only survived the first practice, but hung in there quite well and really enjoyed himself. For the first time he was actually learning rules and skills of the game and was being pushed to achieve them. This coach and his team are very aggressive. Jake is not. However, I watched the boys on the team literally push and pull Jake into position amongst chaos and Jake went with the flow. I think he really felt good about being part of such a strong team. These boys weren’t being forceful with him in a cruel way, they were doing it with the best intentions… and somehow I think Jake sensed that and therefore wasn’t bothered by the commotion.

Long story short, Jake’s team was the strongest in his division and was winning each game they had. In the 4th quarter of perhaps the 3rd or 4th game of the season, the coach pulled the team aside in a time out and was showing them something on his clipboard. They came back on to the court and at one point the coach yelled out, “Jake - fence!" Instantly, 3 of the boys on Jake’s team stood side by side and built a “fence” (which looked like the most incredibly tall, wide, and strong wall ever built) between Jake and the basket. Another team member fed Jake the ball. This “fence” was protecting Jake from anyone on the opposing team from getting to him or distracting him so he could shoot a basket. Swoosh! Jake had scored his first basket of the season. The crowd went crazy, Jake was beaming with his hands his hands in the air, and I was lost in a most memorable moment that will forever be with me - for so many reasons. Of course I was thrilled for my son to have scored 2 points, but I was also amazed at such a huge response from the crowd. I guess over the weeks word traveled that Jake had some “challenges” that not all kids have. It seemed everyone was so happy for Jake and it truly warmed my heart. I was most impressed by the young men on Jake’s team and how they worked together to help him be successful - that these competitive players scarified another change for them to put points on the board and look great, to give Jake a chance. That they did it without pity or making Jake feel as if he didn’t do it all on his own. Throughout the season, the team and the coach have been incredible. Understanding, accepting, kind and patient. All these things while behaving as if Jake was a total equal team player and was as important to the team as anyone else. This coach did not have to include Jake on his team, but he did. He did it graciously and with style. The regular season is over and Jake’s team took first place in their division. Jake made 4 baskets the entire season. Those were the biggest 8 points ever scored.